Deaf jokes
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?
cancer.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
Helen Keller deaf-initely faked it!
A possessed boi or math?
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?
They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
If you're born deaf, what language would you think in?
Hear the one about the deaf kid?
He didn't.