Dead jokes

What do you call a dev that is dead?

A deadveloper.

He is dead.

Y'all is ugly!

USS Liberty. Never forget.

It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.

Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?

Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...

What's the difference between a club and a bar?

I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.

What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.

What do you tell a dead metal fan?

Rust in peace.

I can't sleep, that's because you're dead.

What's the grossest thing ever?

A bag of dead babies.

What's even more gross?

The bottom one is still wriggling!

I fucked a Pokemon the other day. It is dead now.

How do you make a dead baby float?

1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.

A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."

Who said that?

Hitler is amazing; he's dead but still alive because he did Nazi death coming. It never happened.

What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?

The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.

I took 7 coins from someone. He even came back from the dead to get them.

What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?

Dead mooves.

How do you know your baby is dead?

It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.

One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.