If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
Dead Jokes
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.
What do you do when a baby starts to cry?
You use more lube.
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
Dean's sex life.
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of dead babies.
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
What’s the difference between a living and dead person?
I don’t know, I just bury the coffin.
