Dead jokes
I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
He is dead.
What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?
Nothing.
Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.
Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?
Me: Aren't you my son?
Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.
Isaac
Die.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.