What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
I'm dead inside.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
What do you call a dead human?
A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?
Because he was dead.
What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?
The New York Jets.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
