Dead jokes
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Haloomi."
You know what should give up and stay dead?
Fortnite.
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
I'm dead inside.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.