Dead

Dead Jokes

Name

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

Man

Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?

ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.

Indian

An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?

Nothing, he was dead.

Cock

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

Muffin

Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.

Jimmy

If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

Baby

What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?

The bottom one ate its way out!

Baby

Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"

Abortion

Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.

Baby

What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

The cat is still alive.

What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.

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  • Skeleton

    What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."