Dead jokes
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
I entered Kian's house. At the top of the stair, I was greeted by my greatest fantasy, JOHN. He said in a manly tone, "Hello there." I walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back. As I walked past his room, I felt uneasy. I walked into Kian's room to find no one. I turned around and gasped. John is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer. He pushed me onto Kian's bed. The bed was that bad it broke as I fell onto it. John says, "A broken bed is nothing to worry about." I look up at him in disbelief, he's more masculine than I thought. He thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch. He then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point I knew it was too late John, the fart he ripped (sticky to the touch) had me so in shock I wasn't ready for what was next, he picked and jumped on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadly, sticky to the touch fart I'd ever seen, it knocked me out. I awoke to find I was in the WALLS. I looked out to find I was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, I fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, I heard "GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK" I then knew I was in for some Kian treats.
The end
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Haloomi."
You know what should give up and stay dead?
Fortnite.
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
I'm dead inside.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.