Dead jokes
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
What do you call a dead human?
A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?
Because he was dead.
What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?
The New York Jets.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.