Dead jokes
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
How do skeletons make love?
They bone each other!
My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
What’s the difference between bossatron5678 and a gay man?
One isn’t retarded, and one isn’t gay; the gay man is dead.
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!