Dead jokes

What hood do zombies come from?

Dead Ends.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:

98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!

1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.

Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!

What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."

Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."

What is the best type of snake?

A dead one.

How do you know your baby is dead?

It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?

Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?

I'm dead! 😂💀💀

You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!