Dead jokes
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."
Who said that?
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
What's the difference between a club and a bar? I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby? The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
How do skeletons make love?
They bone each other!