Dead

Dead jokes

Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?

'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.

Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

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  • What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

    What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

    The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

    My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.

    I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

    “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

    The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

    There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

    What’s the difference between bossatron5678 and a gay man?

    One isn’t retarded, and one isn’t gay; the gay man is dead.

    Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.

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