Darkness Jokes

What's an emo black kid called? A dark Drakie.

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?

The average IQ increases in both places.

How did they know Princess Dianna had dandruff?

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment !!

What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?

You after you disrespect me.

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.

I feel this one on a personal level.

The image shows a dark gray wooden sign with white text that reads: "What doesn't kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor."

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me...

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?

Just turn off the lights.

These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

What's the darkest point in the universe?

The inside of a KFC.

Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gay people can play Star Wars.

Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.