Darkness jokes
What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.
Do you wanna know why orphans don’t play baseball?
They don’t know what home is.
I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.