Dark Humor

Dark Humor

Color

What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?

Orange because they're having a they/them baby.

Plagiarism

I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.

LeBron James

Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?

A: The size of balls they play with.

Hook

Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

A: You give them a Sandy Hook.

Hitler

Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?

A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.

Africa

I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.

Rape

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

Suicide

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

Shit

Bligitty blot, bliggity blit,

You better not be talkin' shit. 🔫

Lipstick

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

Tower

Q: Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning?

A: Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

Friend

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Baby

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

Bone

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.