Dark Humor

What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?

A knife at least has a point.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but they were pissed as all they got was plane.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A boner.

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?

A: The Blackhole.

Q: Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning?

A: Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

Are you a printer? Because you turn my soft copy into a hard copy. Dark..Humor :)

What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?

Orange because they're having a they/them baby.

I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"

Mom replied with, "That's your father."

I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

I want a bigger couch.

Why? You're going to be in the kitchen most of the time anyway.

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Why don't we have female magicians?

'Cause the last ones got hanged.