Dark Humor
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
What's the difference between dark humor and normal humor?
Normal humor is ten babies and one trash can.
Dark humor is one baby and ten trash cans.
Scroll down for explanation.
Ten babies in one trash can; one baby in ten means that the baby was chopped up.