In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?
Dark humor.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
Death once had a near Chuck experience.
Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
Joe Mama!
What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?
- One dead baby in five garbage cans.
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to KILL MYSELF I'd be a millionaire.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
