As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”
DAMN YOU PESSI!
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
You say to your slow friend: Damn your slower than Stephen Hawkings. And that takes some talent.
Katsuki Bakugou went into a bar and said: "Where is that damn nerd?!?" everyone was confused. Bakugou says: "Tell me where Deku is or i'll kill you!" he kills them all bc they all have green hair.
Yo mamma's hairline so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it
Me Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
Hey Girl: hey Damn i forgot my spray bottle Girl: what It says spray on flat surfaces
The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing
Why didnt Donald trump build the wall? Because Mexicans did not and would not build the damn wall!
JoE mAmA sO FaT ThaT whEn sANtA cAmE tO OuR HoUsE hE sAiD " hO hO hOLy sHiT, sHe dAmN ThiCK - - " .v.
Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!
Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that side walked cracked up. 👋🏻
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
Her: I love kobe bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: Atleast you don't say save the trees cus damn kobe is good
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing so she elbowed me in my damn nose
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
