What did the man say to his wife? "Make me a damn sandwich, woman!"
Damn Jokes
That dam looks damn cool!
Your name is so damn retarded you got sent to the animal farm.
So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
TDS - Too Damn Slow!
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
My joke is so diam funny, or so damn funny.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
Why did two red heads fall off the plane? Because they were so damn blind.
I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
