A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
Damn, y'all hit it hard with orphan jokes.
Addicted what did the drug dealer say to the dopewhore? Damn whore your not that addicted when u spread your legs open for any man no wonder weed is more addicted than yo ass. Lol
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)
I was talking to a muslem yesterday, And he asked me what it's like to be blind. I happened to tell him about 20 jokes, in fact I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It 's not like I need the damn things anyway.
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
Damn, bitch, you got a big ass for a head!
So, I got my blind friend a big Mac for his birthday, a week later he walked up to me and said "Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.
Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
what did the man say to his wife? "MAKE ME A DAMN SANDWICH WOMAN!"
Your name is so damn retarded you got sent to the animal farm.
So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
TDS - Too Damn Slow!
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
