Damage jokes

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.

Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋

You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.

A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

"What did we hit?"

"I don't know, a rock."

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

What's blue and bad for your teeth?

A green brick that's painted blue after the original paint dries (it takes a little while to dry), but after it dries you can paint it and then it will be green. If the brick is green it is called a green brick as it is green (not blue anymore) and it hurts your teeth because brick is a hard material that can damage the bones in your mouth (also known as your teeth).

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.

Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.

Yo mama so fat that she broke your computer!

lol

Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."