What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning there’s a lot of sucking and blowing but at the end you lose your house
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
Study tip: laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
I once told an orphan to go big or go home, he replied I can't get home it got bombed
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
What's blue and bad for your teeth?
A green brick that's painted blue after the original paint dries (it takes a little while to dry) but after it dries you can paint it and then it will be green. If the brick is green it is called a green brick as it is green (not blue anymore) and it hurts your teeth because brick is a hard material that can damage the bones in your mouth (also known as your teeth)
If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:
https://schlechtewitze.com
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
I slit my wrist and said,"THATS A LOT OF DAMAGE!". So I did again, but with a knife and said,"NOW *THATS* ALOT OF DAMAGE!". I then put watertight Flexseal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking then u lose your house
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
Why's it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe
