Cut

Cut Jokes

Wrist

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

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  • Orphanage

    You know those paper families you cut out?

    Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

    Quiz

    When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.

    Oof.

    Word

    I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

    Hit

    If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

    People

    There's two types of emo people:

    1. People that cut side to side.

    2. And people that cut up and down.

    The most efficient is up and down.

    Dad

    Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

    Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

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  • Dog

    Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.

    Priest

    What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

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  • Blonde girl

    Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.

    The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.

    The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.

  • 6
  • Grass

    When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.

    Cock

    I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.

    Language

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    A murderer.

    A murderer who--

    Is cut off by being murdered.

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