Cure jokes

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."

What is long, brown, and cures depression?

A noose.

Robert Smith walks into a hospital. The nurse says, "We have the cure!"

Wordle be like (Part 2):

COMBS 💚🩶🩶🩶💚

CURES 💚💚🩶🩶💚

CULTS 💚💚🩶💚💚

What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?

Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

Kid: I have the corona virus!

Nurse: Here is an ice pack.

What does a doctor do to make you better?

Helium.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?

"Happynese" (happy knees).

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

What do we want? A cure for obesity.

When do we want it? After lunch.

Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.

The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"

Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."

You know I want an ADHD cure.

When?

Squirrel!

Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny that she’s fly. We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that. She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I’m half black. But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F. Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol But if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all. She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed. She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna. She’s so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess. I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song Cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mo-om.

Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom

I’m havin' sex with your mother That makes me better than you. I’m havin' sex with your mother That makes me better than you.

Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!

When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.

You won't feel lonely anymore :(