What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?

Her Miscarriage

I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn’t understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

An american is touring the Soviet union. A russian takes him to a school so he can see what its like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The american asks whats wrong and he cries “I want to live in the Soviet Union!”

whats the difference between onions and babys?

i cry when i cut onions.

How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, she makes onions cry.

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?" The doctor replied, "He’s going through a Mid-life Crisis

So one day i walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn’t look like anyone in the famloy she starts to cry my mom ask why shes crying and i say i told her she was adopted and i was tgere for the adopten and we have peppers it was all a lie she is not adopted and every thing is fine

How do you make a plumber cry?

You kill his family.

Children are so ungrateful nowadays I got my daughter a bike but now she’s crying on the floor saying “I don’t have legs”

Once upon a time the three baby was born I 2015 she was always cry for 2015 he loves her born date 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his whole family.

Papa: Johnny Johnny Johnny: Yes Papa? Papa: Open wide Johnny: HAHAHA Papa: unzips pants Johnny: crying No Papa

“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

What is the difference between onions and babies? I cry when I cut onions.

God creates a mosquito :) God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly. Angel: okay… a bug. God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth. Angel: weird… but okay… God: and give it wings. Angel: eh, not half bad Go- God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS Angel: shook o-okay God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out. Angel: .-. God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! evil grin Angel: cries Angel: whispers; I’m so sorry…

My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry … So I threw a carrot at her

A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ. "My headphones are broken, Lord… I’m desperate… What should I do? Guide me!!" And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man’s soul. WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS And so he did.

A happy little girl was running on the grass, she saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space and she started crying, the two gay guys heard her crying and then they asked her: " why are you crying? ", the little girl answered: " this is the first time i see an unnatural nature " . 😂😂😂😂