Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To check in on his flat mate.
Why did Trump's brain cross the road?
Oh wait, there is no other side.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
why did the cow cross the road? cause he wanted to go to a moooooooooooooooooooooooovie
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
why did the baby cross the road? because he wanted to die
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.
Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."
The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!
Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"
The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.
Man: "Dolly!"
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
