Crime jokes
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to feel wanted.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
What is another name for a serial rapist? Short dress enthusiast.
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
"Whole November month, sniper lessons available in Dallas U.S.?"
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson in a playground.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.
What is the good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in school zones.
What does Sonic say when he's bored?
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!