Construction jokes
What did I say to the bridge?
Bye, bridge.
Never trust stairs, they're always up to something.
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.
When a donkey digs a tunnel, it is called a burro.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Yo mama's so fat, she invented double doors!
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
Why can't orphans play House Flipper?
'Cause they don't know what to do.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
Why did the stairs move?
Because it was up to something!
Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
I have a joke about construction. I'm still working on it.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.
"Is Mrs. Wall here?"
"No."
"Is Mr. Wall here?"
"No."
"Then what is holding up the walls?"