Computer jokes
Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?
Microsoft.
My PC.
What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?
"Restore factory settings."
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
"Windows shut down sound."
What is the difference between Hilary Duff and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
Why can't the Ctrl key cross the road? Because it is an 8-lane highway.
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His PC overheated.
Why does Apple logo depict 1 byte in the 21st century?
My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.
The emo was having computer problems because they had troubleshooting.
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
I hope you see this plugin, but if you're listening to this, I really want to give you a little more...
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.