Computer jokes
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
I hope you see this plugin, but if you're listening to this, I really want to give you a little more...
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
"Windows shut down sound."
What is the difference between Hilary Duff and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
What is ioooooooo?
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
Why can't orphans open a website?
Because they don't have a home page.
Looks like URL encoding is enabled for special characters inside comments. Good job to whoever developed this website!
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.
What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?
"Restore factory settings."
My PC.
Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?
Microsoft.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.