Competition jokes

My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

What was the score of the basketball game in Africa?

Eight-nothing.

Me playing a game...

What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.

Like if that was good.

What do you call a bunch of biracial, retarded kids? The Special Olympics.

Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”

Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?

The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.

Why can’t orphans play sports?

Because they don’t have a home team.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.

Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?

Because it never runs out of juice.

Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.

He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"

The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl.

"Did you go to the biscuit eating championship?"

"Yea, it was crackers!"

There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."

I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.

Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."

What is a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross-country!!!

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."