Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
Yo hairline is so long it makes the Titanic look tiny.
Your mom is just like Rapunzel, but instead of letting down her hair, she lets everyone down! OHHHHH!
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?
The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.
Your forehead is so big, I thought it was Mount Chiliad.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Down syndrome people are like dogs.
Prove me wrong.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Fuck people who are bigger than me physically, emotionally, mentally, economically, and socially.
What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
9/11 is the biggest game of Jenga... ;)