Comparison jokes

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?

They can both do dirty things.

What's the difference between my mum and my dad?

My mum stayed.

Why are girls and rocks so alike?

If they're flat, they get skipped.

The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.

What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?

A microwave won't brown your meat.

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

How is smoking similar to oral sex?

The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?

A knife has a point.

When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.

Me: Cobain!

Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.

Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.

What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.