Comparison jokes

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?

You decide.

What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.

My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

The rope doesn't hang from itself.

What's the difference between my mum and my dad?

My mum stayed.

Why are girls and rocks so alike?

If they're flat, they get skipped.

What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?

They can both do dirty things.

The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.

What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?

A microwave won't brown your meat.

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

How is smoking similar to oral sex?

The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?

A knife has a point.

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.

What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?