Comparison jokes

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?

one has a point.

Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

They're both accidents.

Q: What is Trump?

A: An oversized oompa loompa.

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it.

My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

What’s the difference between 1000 used tires and 1000 used condoms?

One's a good year and one's a great year.

The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.

I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?

What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?

One of them knows the definition of no.

What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?