Comparison jokes
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.
Why does Royal Cola have more royalty than a queen?
Answer: It tastes better.
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Your butt looks so big, it's bigger than Sam Hill.
Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.
I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.
Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?
one has a point.
Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Q: What is Trump?
A: An oversized oompa loompa.
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.