Comparison jokes
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
Yo forehead is bigger than the Great Wall of China!
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
Why does Job have an Area 51 head? Because his head is the shape of a 🦖.
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.
Why does Royal Cola have more royalty than a queen?
Answer: It tastes better.
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Your butt looks so big, it's bigger than Sam Hill.
Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.
I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.
Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.