Come-on Jokes

So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.

How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?

One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

A bright yellow frog swims in water. The frog is seen from the side with its arms sticking out of the water. Text overlayed on the image says "FUCK". Comments under the image say "Aw, come on, that's merely a fuckling" and "could be a dog".

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."

Hey Gwen come on let's chat! We can forget about that dumb bitch "prince" and focus on us!

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(

I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.

Why is that a joke?

Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.

Why is that a joke?

Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?

Why is that a joke?

She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.

No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.