What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
Do you want to hear a cold joke?
Can't. It warmed up.
Why do emos love the winter? Because of the long sleeves.
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
What do you call a bee from America?
A USB.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"
Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."
African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*
The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, KiÂli, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
Why is the orphan cold?
'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
What do snowmen call snowballs?
Children!
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."
Snowmen and snowwomen take a stomach piece, making snowballs.
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
