Cold jokes

I drip when you take me in the mouth, what am I? Ice cream.

Why can't you get water in the North Pole?

Because there is no well.

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?

Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.

What is cold and alone?

An orphan's parent.

What is old, cold, and alone?

An orphan's parents.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

Do you want to hear a cold joke?

Can't. It warmed up.

Why do emos love the winter? Because of the long sleeves.

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.

You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Why are friends a lot like snow?

If you pee on them, they disappear.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

What do you call a bee from America?

A USB.

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"

Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."

African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*

The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.

Why is the orphan cold?

'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and all over their land.