Clinic Jokes

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.

Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?

Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.

Orphan: Why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.

I took a banana to the doctor. It wasn't peeling well.

A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"

The image shows two adjacent billboards. The one on the left advertises "Huggies" diapers and features a baby swinging down. The billboard on the right advertises the movie "Hitman" with an image of a man pointing a gun. The text on the billboard says: "Hitman. In Theaters Nov 21." Below these two big billboards there is also a smaller billboard for "West Side Auto Clinic" that says: "Cars Repaired".

Why did the ball person go to the doctor?

He was kicked in the balls.

What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?

"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."

If someone calls you, just say:

"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"

Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?

The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.

Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.

What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.

What [is] another name for an abortion?

Canceling your delivery.

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.