Children jokes
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.
Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.
What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
Me: Why can't orphans play baseball? Friend: Why? Me: Because they can't find home.
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"
Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.
Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
They never get old.
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.