Children jokes

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

They never get old.

What is the difference between artificial vanilla and Marjorie Taylor Greene's children?

Artificial vanilla comes from a beaver's asshole, the children from an asshole's beaver.

Why do orphans hate Christmas?

Father Christmas isn’t a thing.

Children are like farts.

You can only tolerate your own.

What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?

Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.

If aliens were real,

then orphans would finally have a home.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat from? The children's menu.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They don't have a home plate.

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek?

They won’t be found because no one will look for them.

The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.

Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!

What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?

Bored games.

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

What do you call a five year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

What’s a depressed kid’s favorite game? Hangman.