Children Jokes

What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?

A: Garry Glitter's boots.

"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.

DOES ANYBODY ELSE
HAVE A VOICE IN THEIR
HEAD THAT
REPEATS,
BUTCHER AND INCINERATE
THE JEWISH CHILDREN !!!
NO?
JUST ME?
HMM... ODD.

We should not stop orphan jokes. They're funny as fuck.

Why do orphans always get picked on?

They can't run and tell their parents.

Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.

Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

What is one word orphans can't spell?

Family.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They never hit home.

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.