Children jokes

What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?

Bored games.

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

What is Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat from? The children's menu.

Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...

What do you call a five year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?

A: Garry Glitter's boots.

"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.

We should not stop orphan jokes. They're funny as fuck.

Why do orphans always get picked on?

They can't run and tell their parents.

Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.

Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

What is one word orphans can't spell?

Family.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They never hit home.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.