"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."
Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"
"Let girls live" is 9 years old, OMG, right?
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat from? The children's menu.
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
He could not find home.
Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?
So they can spell "home."
Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?
My big green pedo machine.
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!
