Child jokes

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

I like my cigars like I like my women:

Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.

Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?

Because they cannot find home.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they cannot find home.

Dear Gwen,

Gwen, when I said sorry, I meant that as a sarcastic "why" and point of view!

TBH, you make me sick as a dog! Also, you're so annoying; stop holding that anger in. BTW, I AM A SPECIAL CHILD!

BTW, I am 6 years old BTW!

Please comment good or not! Irdc!

So, two kids argued and insulted each other.

KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"

KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."

How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.

Jeffy: "Daddy, Daddy, a monster said it’s gonna poop in your hat!"

Marvin: "I don’t believe that."

Jeffy: "But he said, 'Jeffy, I’m gonna poop in your Daddy’s hat!'"

The next morning,

Jeffy: "Daddy, a monster pooped in your hat!"

*Marvin/Mario looks in his hat*

Marvin: "Jeffy, I don’t believe you, you pooped in my hat!"

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

So if you say a bear shoots children, and Leah likes Mason Boswells, and I go to Benjamin Adlard year 6.

This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.

Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

What’s the difference between a parentless child and someone who is fond of unprocessed metals?

One is an orphan, and the other is an ore fan.

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...