Child jokes
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run. 😭
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
Question: What does baseball have that orphans don't?
Answer: A home.
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”
Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”
Is it possible for an orphan to go on an away trip?
No, because they already are on one.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't make a home run.
Why do orphans have no bruises?
Because they have no dad to beat them.
What do you call someone that no one loves?
An orphan.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.