Child jokes
What do the N and F in "orphan" stand for?
"No family."
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why is it OK to hit an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Parental guidance.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home base.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
There was a kid being mean to another kid at an orphanage. The kid said, "Stop!" but the mean one said, "What are you going to do? Call your mommy?"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
Did you know penguins can fly if you throw them hard enough? Just like children!
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?
They're both full of child groomers.
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.