Child jokes
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
Why can't an orphan get a tattoo at a young age?
They don't have parent permission.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?
A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.
Why can you hit orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
Orphans are lonely.
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run. 😭
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
Question: What does baseball have that orphans don't?
Answer: A home.