Charge jokes

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why? You ask.

Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.

Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.

Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.

What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?

She charges you for extra sauce!

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.