Charge jokes

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

Why did the Star Wars movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?

Yoda was in charge of scheduling.

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it had its ion someone else.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

How do you keep a bull from charging?

You take its credit card away.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why? You ask.

Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

Yesterday I asked an emo girl if she's jealous when her phone dies.

What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?

She charges you for extra sauce!

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

Why did the MOSFET go to jail?

It had a charge for battery.

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.

He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.