Celebrity jokes
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
What does Michael Jackson like to eat? Little wieners.
Your hairline goes so far back it looks like it got slapped back by Will Smith.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
When I grow up, I wanna be like Lil Peep... Dead.
You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?
Because it was over 10 years old.
If Dusty's dad from Home Alone 2 was in NASA, how come he is not famous?
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."