Celebrity Jokes

Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?

Father Christmas left them.

What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?

His teeth.

What's green and sings?

Elvis Parsley!

$A black and white image of a man with a powdered wig playing an organ, but the face has been replaced by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. The text above the image reads "Dwayne \"The Bach\" Johnson".$

How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?

They both got bleached!

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite instrument? A small skin flute.

What does Michael Joseph Jackson say when little boys walk away?

"Give in to me-hee-he!"

How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."