Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first?
The feather, because the rope stopped the child.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
Mfs be saying Kobe is good at basketball cause he is 6 feet, ye 6 feet underground.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!
When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!
Later!
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
Why does Technoblade love orphans?
'Cause he can relate to their parents!
Which planet would I consider dating?
I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.
Why can Asian people buy phones?
'Cause they might call the wrong number.
