Catch jokes

I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

Why are colds such bad robbers?

Because they're so easy to catch.

What did the twin tower say to the other?

"I need to catch this plane."

What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

Why did Harry fall out of the boat?

Because he's hooked!

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,

The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"

The teacher replied, "Home."

The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"

When I was very young...

My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.

They are rapists now.

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch cold.

I tried to catch air once... I mist.

Why can’t orphans play catch?

They never had a dad to teach them.

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.

What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?

Catch you later!

Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.

How do you catch an elephant?

Act like a peanut.