A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"
The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
To people who say that depression hits hard...
The car begs to disagree.
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
