Cant jokes
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
Tj's hairline is so far back, Blue's Clues can't find it.
joe mama roast
Knock knock. Who's there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can't reach the doorbell knocking at your door.
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't call them "daddy."
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they can't change anything.
Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call DADDY! 😩
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
Why don't orphans care if they get in trouble? They can't call their parents.
Q: Why can't dinosaurs clap?
A: Because they're dead.
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"