Cant jokes

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

Why can't the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he has "no body" to go with!

I can't fake the smile for long, as there is weight hanging at both of its ends called depression.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

Why can’t orphans use a phone? Because they can't find the home button.

I teach orphans.

But the problem is I can't give them homework.

Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"

Because he would have beef with Homelander.

Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.

Why do orphans hate family-size candy?

Because they can't share it with their family.

Why can't orphans ride a bike?

'Cause their parents won't follow them.

Why can't an Asian play baseball?

'Cause they always eat the bat!

Why can't a missing child play baseball? Cuz he doesn't know where home is.

Whoever said white people can't jump obviously hasn't seen the 9/11 footage.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

Why can't orphans go on field trips? Parents' signature: _______