Cant jokes
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Why can’t orphans be gay? Because they have no closet to come out of.
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why do orphans not play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why can't two Asians have a white kid? Because two "wongs" don't make a "white."
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
Why can’t trans men enjoy chocolate?
It uses Hershey pronouns.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they won't find anybody to call "daddy."
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.
Why are lesbians so bad at math? They can't multiply.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find their home base.
Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he’s dead.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
[Parent’s signature: __________]
Why can’t orphans have sex?
'Cause they have no one to call daddy!