Cant jokes

Why can't two Asians have a white kid? Because two "wongs" don't make a "white."

Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.

Why are lesbians so bad at math? They can't multiply.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find their home base.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they won't find anybody to call "daddy."

Why can't an orphan be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.

Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?

[Parent’s signature: __________]

Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he’s dead.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

'Cause they have no one to call daddy!

Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?

Answer: She’s dead.

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?

Because he can’t do stand up.

Why does NASA only serve Coke?

Because they can't get Seven-Up!

One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.

The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

What type of cake can't orphans eat?

Home made.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Why can't you kill a hooker?

Because they're dead inside anyway.